The local café proprietor. He tries to remain impartial, but has been brought unwillingly into the war on both sides. He has to secretly hide stolen valuables for the Germans or be shot; the Resistance are using his café as a safe-house for two shot down British airmen; and on top of that, he is trying to keep his passionate affairs with his waitresses secret from his wife.
René’s wife, and the café's resident cabaret performer. However, her singing is so bad the locals stick cheese in their ears to block out the terrible sound. She is also the subject of much romantic wooing by the local undertaker, Monsieur Alfonse, and the Italian, Captain Bertorelli.
Madame Fanny La Fan
Edith’s mother. She lives in the attic of the café, which is also the place where the British airmen and the Resistance's radio (complete with "Ze flashing knobs") are hidden.
A waitress at the café. She is in love with René, and wants to elope with him, but is unable to due to René having to stay loyal to his wife. She is also responsible for entertaining the German officers, upstairs at the café with the wet celery and the flying helmet
Another waitress at the café. She too is in love with René. She has no idea that Rene also loves Yvette. She believes that Rene should run away with her. She is extremely thick!
The extremely short replacement waitress for Maria. She is also a secret agent for the Resistance and has a bloodthirsty hatred of the Germans. She also has a secret mission to kill the “German swines” often after wooing them.
Leader of the local French Resistance, she is responsible for coming up with elaborate plans to help the British airmen escape, and ingenious plots for blowing up German ammunition trains and lorries.
The Resistance's forger, master of disguises and café piano player. He is responsible for delivering various goods, batteries, bombs and radio equipment to the café. This duty is undertaken by LeClerc in a variety of very bad disguises ranging from being an onion seller to being a lost mountain hiker.
He is in love with Madame Edith; often wooing her with flowers and the exciting prospect of living above the mortuary. He has a serious heart condition, causing his "dicky ticker" to go into overdrive upon the revealing of women's underclothing. He often aids the resistance.
Major-General Von Klinkerhoffen
A ruthless but ineffectual commander. He always threatens to have French peasants shot when the resistance attacks the German army. He occupies a rather grand chateau where he is wooed by the café waitresses in order to aid a Resistance mission to steal the knockwurst.
Colonel Von Strohm
The town German commandant. He is kept occupied by hiding valuable local paintings and antiques, which he intends to sell after the war. He frequently visits the café, which he loves and the waitresses there provide him with much entertainment.
A German officer on leave from the Russian front, with a crush on René. He is also responsible for forging certain pieces of art. He is extremely fond of his "little tank" driven by the unseen Clarence. Despite his overtly camp behaviour, it is revealed in the very last episode of the series that he eventually married Helga and had numerous children.
Captain Hans Geering
Original assistant to Colonel Von Strohm, he is extraordinarily lenient for a German officer, he also frequently visits the café, where the waitresses provide him with much entertainment.
Captain Alberto Bertorelli
An Italian who has come to the local town, as Mussolini has joined the war. He has an eye for the ladies and is known as a womaniser. His Italian troops are a complete mess and always run away. In greeting, he kisses everybody except Gruber whom he knows about and shakes his hand from far away.
The local Gestapo officer who tries to show as little emotion as possible. Dressed in a long leather double-breasted coat over a pinstriped suit, with a wide-brimmed leather hat, leather gloves and octagonal steel-rimmed glasses. He fancies the equally blonde Helga and is the godson of Himmler. He is known for his considerably exaggerated limp.
Private Helga Geerhart
The Colonel's secretary, and lover of Herr Flick. She is well built, and known for a tendency to take off her clothes for usually tenuous reasons, showcasing a vast range of erotic lingerie.
Herr Von Smallhausen
(John Louis Mansi)
Herr Flick's assistant. Dressed exactly like Herr Flick but only half as tall. He also copies his exaggerated limp. He often suggests stupid plans and ideas, only for them to be put down by Herr Flick.
A British spy posing as a French police officer. Unfortunately, he has a terrible grasp of the French language, which means that sometimes he is quite incomprehensible.
RAF Flight Lieutenants Fairfax and Carstairs
(John D. Collins and Nicholas Frankau)
Two British airmen trying to get back to England, having been shot down over France.